Saturday, March 6, 2010

An article on how NOT to date.

One of the things I love about twitter (see sidebar for my twitter updates) is that you can mention something and a twitter blog relating to the subject of a single word will start "following" you. I put the word "following" in quotations because they're really not following you, they're manipulating the system to advertise themselves to get you to follow them. It's not a bad tactic when you might actually be interested in the subject and the account is not TOTAL spam.

So anyway, I was up late last night trolling the dating websites I used and made mention of it. Sure enough, two twitter accounts "followed" me. The first one was this guy...



I mean really? This is the guy that's going to get you a date? He might want to try clipping off the ends of that ten year old haircut first.

Anyway, I contradict myself because I'm no gorgeous god, by any stretch of the imagination and I do alright for myself. And I'm going to tell you how, because the next twitter that added me actually had some "helpful" tips on how to successfully date. There go those quotations again.

To begin with, the second account that added me, offering those "helpful" tips had this picture....

And the title of this particular twitter is called "How to flirt well". So I clicked a link and learned. Or, actually, I laughed a bit...

Let me preface this by saying, I hate that dating is a game. If you've met someone that you don't have to play games with (which I think I finally met, thankfully) then by all means, completely ignore this. That being said, I've learned a lot in my 15 years of dating but I didn't start playing until about 9 years into it and the year I finally made the change was better for me than all 9 of the other years combined. Now, I will agree with one thing women say about being the nice guy. The guys's that claim they are the nice guy and never win, are usually douchebags. The way I was when I was younger. We're nice, sure, but we're overwhelming. We don't give the girl a chance to breathe (I had a brush with this recently, quite by accident and it was a scary moment to see my old self creep back in). As the nice guy, yeah, you're nice, but that's all you are. There's usually nothing interesting about you and if there is, you're killing it by either not being aggressive enough or being way too aggressive in the wrong way.

But dating is truly a tango. Let's learn what the How To Flirt Well tiwtter has to teach us.

The article is posted here... It's called "5 Seduction Tips For Men"

If you have problems with the ladies, you're not alone. Most guys don't want to admit it, but they don't always get the girl. Communication is the key to getting and keeping a woman's interest.

Ok, we're starting off well. Kinda... Communication definitely is key, but depending on the situation, you might have to limit it.

A lot of men lack confidence and think they are missing out because they don't look like a celebrity. It's a lot more important to be the best you and not the best somebody else you can be.

We're on a roll. Starting out good, BUT I disagree with the last line. If you're the above mentioned nice guy, it's time to change and be "the best somebody else you can be", the key is to make it your own.

The advice offered here is a way to get you started on the best dating experiences of your life. Any man can get the girl if he has the right approach. These tips will help make you simply irresistible.

Now we're taking a turn. Simply because I read the article already, I know this is not true. The following are all the tips you've read on any other site, that should either be common sense, or you've tried already. You will NOT be irresistible if you follow their tips.

Read the tips and put them into practice.

1. Clean up your act. If you look like a slob, no one will find you attractive. Your hair should be neat, fingernails cleaned and face either clean shaven or with neatly trimmed facial hair. Stubble isn't sexy unless it's on Brad Pitt. Don't sag, wear clothes that fit and look neat and attractive. You want your lady to look good for you. Return the favor.

There is a truth and a non-truth to this. If you're like me, and you're just alright looking and/or fat or any other number of features that might work against you, you might want to at least look alright. Looking good and being well groomed are only somewhat important, depending on the person. There are women that will see someone that's not dressed great and will judge off the bat based on what you're wearing. You will not seduce her ever unless you're GQ all the time. Bail. If you don't dress like it's 1985 and your hair isn't all over the place and your mustache/beard is at least manageable, you'll be fine. However, in the other direction, if you're good looking, you might actually want to go COMPLETELY against this tip. If someone is attracted to the basics of you enough, and you're a slob, you're now a project. You will totally seduce them if the personality is somewhat there because they're going to want to change you and clean you up.

2. If you don't know what good manners are, take an etiquette course. Woman appreciate men who are courteous and respectful. Leave the vulgar language in the locker room with the other guys. Vulgarity is disrespectful and rude. Treat your date like a lady.

I don't know anyone who even knows of an etiquette course without googling it. I've always hated the term "treating a woman like a lady". First of all, let's treat all humans equally regardless of gender, that might be a good place to start. A long time ago we fought for the rights to give women equal rights, and still, we have to treat women differently then men. Polite things, like holding a door, should be universal, not reserved for a woman. But that's a whole other post. Another topic for another post, language. If you're the type of person that curses and is vulgar and tells dirty jokes and the girl isn't, bail. If you do "clean up your act" and wind up with the person, your life will be hell. This is one of the leading causes of the high divorce rate. Men and women settle for each other even though they have different values and curb who they are for the sake of the person they're dating. If you curse, find a girl that curses. If you're one of those people that are offended by language and words, kill yourself. But if you can't find the strength, then find a women who is also on the word police squad. If you can't come together on the words you say, you're doomed from the start.

3. Don't be late or you'll miss the boat. Making a date wait for you is disrespectful. If you have a flat tire, or something else comes up that you couldn't foresee, call your date and let her know why you are late. Ask if she wants to wait or would like set another time for your date.

Yes, if you're going to be late due to an unforeseen occurrence, call and let them know. It's only right. That being said, showing up a little late is advisable. It's actually a good way to gauge the persons interest. If you're 15 minutes late and the girl is gone, they're not really all that interested.


4. Keep your attention focused on your date. Listen to what she has to say and don't act bored. Remember what she says, there may be a test later. Be prepared to get the conversation started. Any subject that will get her talking is fine. Find out about her interests.

If a woman tests you on what you've been paying attention to, RUN!, as if your life depended on it. My favorite part is that you, as the guy, have to be prepared with conversation. It's like, you have to be the interesting one and the woman you're on the date with is holding you up to that standard, but you don't have to hold her to the same one, lol. Honestly, there's a fine line here. Yes, showing interest is key, but not too much. One of the things I've learned is to not be too interested. The biggest tip I can give about dating is this.... Show you're interested at first. Flirt on your first conversation, including a subtle flirt at sexual attraction. When you're on the actual date, act as if you're going out with a friend. Granted, depending on the person, you don't want to act as if you're hanging with the guys, but the key to a successful date is actually showing a sort-of lack of interest. The woman you're on the date with will wonder why you're not making a move, because THAT is what they're used to. If you want to stand out from the pack, be the guy that doesn't want anything from her. It will keep her guessing and interested. You can tweak this as you go along and flirt to match the output. But by not expecting sex on the first date, it might actually get you there (if that's what you're looking for).
Additionally, when it comes time to talk about dating and who you're seeing, it's perfectly fine to tell a woman that you're seeing other people and it might actually help your cause. Women want to know you have options and that you're making time for them to be an option. They want to be the option that wins.

5. The best way to make yourself irresistible, is to make her feel irresistible. Let her know how attractive you find her. Compliment her on her good taste, her intelligence, her grace. Avoid any overtly sexual remarks, as they may make her uncomfortable and will certainly sound self serving on your part. If you pressure your date, you won't see her again.

This is sort of a follow-up on what I said in the last tip. But again, NO! don't make her feel irresistible. Do the complete opposite. Guys are ALWAYS making her feel irresistible. The key to any relationship is a little bit of insecurity. Guys are always all over girls. You want to be different.
BUT, there are other situations when the other way works too. If a girl is REALLY attracted to you and she shows it, it's time to go the complete other way and make it totally about sex. That is, if that's all your looking for.

A bit of advice for women too here. Be honest with yourself and your date. If you're looking to get laid, go for it. If a man is going to judge you by a different set of standards than he is for himself, then he's not the guy for you. Women get labeled as sluts in our society and it's a stupid double standard. There are whores on both sides of the gender line. That being said, if you honestly like someone that they are a potential mate, just tell them. Again, a guy that is scared off by this, is NOT worth your time. Guys want relationships just as badly as women, but when we make that clear YOU'RE the ones that get scared away. And seriously, don't sleep with him on the first date unless it really is magic and not just your hormones getting in the way. If you hold off, it will give the guy a chance to get to know you while he's trying to hit it ;)

Best places to get free dating tips for men are:

1. ForeverLaid.com

Classy!
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