An article on how NOT to date.

One of the things I love about twitter (see sidebar for my twitter updates) is that you can mention something and a twitter blog relating to the subject of a single word will start "following" you. I put the word "following" in quotations because they're really not following you, they're manipulating the system to advertise themselves to get you to follow them. It's not a bad tactic when you might actually be interested in the subject and the account is not TOTAL spam.

So anyway, I was up late last night trolling the dating websites I used and made mention of it. Sure enough, two twitter accounts "followed" me. The first one was this guy...



I mean really? This is the guy that's going to get you a date? He might want to try clipping off the ends of that ten year old haircut first.

Anyway, I contradict myself because I'm no gorgeous god, by any stretch of the imagination and I do alright for myself. And I'm going to tell you how, because the next twitter that added me actually had some "helpful" tips on how to successfully date. There go those quotations again.

To begin with, the second account that added me, offering those "helpful" tips had this picture....

And the title of this particular twitter is called "How to flirt well". So I clicked a link and learned. Or, actually, I laughed a bit...

Let me preface this by saying, I hate that dating is a game. If you've met someone that you don't have to play games with (which I think I finally met, thankfully) then by all means, completely ignore this. That being said, I've learned a lot in my 15 years of dating but I didn't start playing until about 9 years into it and the year I finally made the change was better for me than all 9 of the other years combined. Now, I will agree with one thing women say about being the nice guy. The guys's that claim they are the nice guy and never win, are usually douchebags. The way I was when I was younger. We're nice, sure, but we're overwhelming. We don't give the girl a chance to breathe (I had a brush with this recently, quite by accident and it was a scary moment to see my old self creep back in). As the nice guy, yeah, you're nice, but that's all you are. There's usually nothing interesting about you and if there is, you're killing it by either not being aggressive enough or being way too aggressive in the wrong way.

But dating is truly a tango. Let's learn what the How To Flirt Well tiwtter has to teach us.

The article is posted here... It's called "5 Seduction Tips For Men"

If you have problems with the ladies, you're not alone. Most guys don't want to admit it, but they don't always get the girl. Communication is the key to getting and keeping a woman's interest.

Ok, we're starting off well. Kinda... Communication definitely is key, but depending on the situation, you might have to limit it.

A lot of men lack confidence and think they are missing out because they don't look like a celebrity. It's a lot more important to be the best you and not the best somebody else you can be.

We're on a roll. Starting out good, BUT I disagree with the last line. If you're the above mentioned nice guy, it's time to change and be "the best somebody else you can be", the key is to make it your own.

The advice offered here is a way to get you started on the best dating experiences of your life. Any man can get the girl if he has the right approach. These tips will help make you simply irresistible.

Now we're taking a turn. Simply because I read the article already, I know this is not true. The following are all the tips you've read on any other site, that should either be common sense, or you've tried already. You will NOT be irresistible if you follow their tips.

Read the tips and put them into practice.

1. Clean up your act. If you look like a slob, no one will find you attractive. Your hair should be neat, fingernails cleaned and face either clean shaven or with neatly trimmed facial hair. Stubble isn't sexy unless it's on Brad Pitt. Don't sag, wear clothes that fit and look neat and attractive. You want your lady to look good for you. Return the favor.

There is a truth and a non-truth to this. If you're like me, and you're just alright looking and/or fat or any other number of features that might work against you, you might want to at least look alright. Looking good and being well groomed are only somewhat important, depending on the person. There are women that will see someone that's not dressed great and will judge off the bat based on what you're wearing. You will not seduce her ever unless you're GQ all the time. Bail. If you don't dress like it's 1985 and your hair isn't all over the place and your mustache/beard is at least manageable, you'll be fine. However, in the other direction, if you're good looking, you might actually want to go COMPLETELY against this tip. If someone is attracted to the basics of you enough, and you're a slob, you're now a project. You will totally seduce them if the personality is somewhat there because they're going to want to change you and clean you up.

2. If you don't know what good manners are, take an etiquette course. Woman appreciate men who are courteous and respectful. Leave the vulgar language in the locker room with the other guys. Vulgarity is disrespectful and rude. Treat your date like a lady.

I don't know anyone who even knows of an etiquette course without googling it. I've always hated the term "treating a woman like a lady". First of all, let's treat all humans equally regardless of gender, that might be a good place to start. A long time ago we fought for the rights to give women equal rights, and still, we have to treat women differently then men. Polite things, like holding a door, should be universal, not reserved for a woman. But that's a whole other post. Another topic for another post, language. If you're the type of person that curses and is vulgar and tells dirty jokes and the girl isn't, bail. If you do "clean up your act" and wind up with the person, your life will be hell. This is one of the leading causes of the high divorce rate. Men and women settle for each other even though they have different values and curb who they are for the sake of the person they're dating. If you curse, find a girl that curses. If you're one of those people that are offended by language and words, kill yourself. But if you can't find the strength, then find a women who is also on the word police squad. If you can't come together on the words you say, you're doomed from the start.

3. Don't be late or you'll miss the boat. Making a date wait for you is disrespectful. If you have a flat tire, or something else comes up that you couldn't foresee, call your date and let her know why you are late. Ask if she wants to wait or would like set another time for your date.

Yes, if you're going to be late due to an unforeseen occurrence, call and let them know. It's only right. That being said, showing up a little late is advisable. It's actually a good way to gauge the persons interest. If you're 15 minutes late and the girl is gone, they're not really all that interested.


4. Keep your attention focused on your date. Listen to what she has to say and don't act bored. Remember what she says, there may be a test later. Be prepared to get the conversation started. Any subject that will get her talking is fine. Find out about her interests.

If a woman tests you on what you've been paying attention to, RUN!, as if your life depended on it. My favorite part is that you, as the guy, have to be prepared with conversation. It's like, you have to be the interesting one and the woman you're on the date with is holding you up to that standard, but you don't have to hold her to the same one, lol. Honestly, there's a fine line here. Yes, showing interest is key, but not too much. One of the things I've learned is to not be too interested. The biggest tip I can give about dating is this.... Show you're interested at first. Flirt on your first conversation, including a subtle flirt at sexual attraction. When you're on the actual date, act as if you're going out with a friend. Granted, depending on the person, you don't want to act as if you're hanging with the guys, but the key to a successful date is actually showing a sort-of lack of interest. The woman you're on the date with will wonder why you're not making a move, because THAT is what they're used to. If you want to stand out from the pack, be the guy that doesn't want anything from her. It will keep her guessing and interested. You can tweak this as you go along and flirt to match the output. But by not expecting sex on the first date, it might actually get you there (if that's what you're looking for).
Additionally, when it comes time to talk about dating and who you're seeing, it's perfectly fine to tell a woman that you're seeing other people and it might actually help your cause. Women want to know you have options and that you're making time for them to be an option. They want to be the option that wins.

5. The best way to make yourself irresistible, is to make her feel irresistible. Let her know how attractive you find her. Compliment her on her good taste, her intelligence, her grace. Avoid any overtly sexual remarks, as they may make her uncomfortable and will certainly sound self serving on your part. If you pressure your date, you won't see her again.

This is sort of a follow-up on what I said in the last tip. But again, NO! don't make her feel irresistible. Do the complete opposite. Guys are ALWAYS making her feel irresistible. The key to any relationship is a little bit of insecurity. Guys are always all over girls. You want to be different.
BUT, there are other situations when the other way works too. If a girl is REALLY attracted to you and she shows it, it's time to go the complete other way and make it totally about sex. That is, if that's all your looking for.

A bit of advice for women too here. Be honest with yourself and your date. If you're looking to get laid, go for it. If a man is going to judge you by a different set of standards than he is for himself, then he's not the guy for you. Women get labeled as sluts in our society and it's a stupid double standard. There are whores on both sides of the gender line. That being said, if you honestly like someone that they are a potential mate, just tell them. Again, a guy that is scared off by this, is NOT worth your time. Guys want relationships just as badly as women, but when we make that clear YOU'RE the ones that get scared away. And seriously, don't sleep with him on the first date unless it really is magic and not just your hormones getting in the way. If you hold off, it will give the guy a chance to get to know you while he's trying to hit it ;)

Best places to get free dating tips for men are:

1. ForeverLaid.com

Classy!

Two new videos for ya....

One of my 2 appearances on MTV's Silent Library...

And a competitive eating rap I posted...

Dating and the competitve eater...

Now that I'm single again, it's time to start dating.

I posted this on a dating website I'm a member of and thought I'd share...

I've met some women that found what I do interesting. Some are a little grossed out, and I can understand that.

My journey in competitive eating started back in 2005 when I won a local contest and then another. 2 years in row. In 2007, I did a weight-loss reality show and between that and continuing at home, I lost about 120 lbs. (I've since put back a few, but nowhere near the whole thing). The next year I briefly went pro and now, I do my own thing. I found that the weight loss actually helped me get better. (Skinner people typically are better competitive eaters, not the other way around as the stereotype of the fat guy might make you think)

Competitive eating is comprised of two types of events. The contest, which you might know from watching the Nathan's Hot Dog contest on ESPN. (Before you ask, no, I've never done it and "that little Japanese guy" hasn't won it in a few years, lol) And the challenge. Which you would commonly know from watching the show "Man Vs. Food". If you go to X restaurant and eat Y food in Z amount of minutes, it's free and your picture goes on the wall. Sometimes there's a prize for that as well.

If we date, what would you have to deal with?
Well, I travel sometimes, but it's not that bad. I've been to San Diego, North Carolina, Detroit and local. So you'd have to deal with the odd weekend I wouldn't be around. I'm also filming something for TV at least once a year. So you have to deal with my mediocre quest for fame.


It's called Competitive eating for a reason, so you will have to deal with my competitive nature. I bang the trivia machine when I get a question wrong. I yell at the screen when I'm playing Madden. Even though I'm a realist, I often day dream that I'll be better at a particular thing or activity than I really will be.

Spontaneous contests. Sometimes you don't know about one until the day before. If I'm committed to something, then I'm committed, but I will try to work around it if possible. Ideally, you'd be my biggest fan and want to come, but I would be understanding if you're not into it, as long as you're also not trying convince me out of it. I understand the risks.

You also have to know the difference in how the mind works. If you get to know me, you will find out that I'm at the end of a binge eating disorder. I've just about conquered it. But what needs to be understood about competitive eating is that it's a totally separate activity. Binge eating is about emotions. It's about turning to food for comfort. For the most part, I'm no longer doing this and am back to losing weight. But competitive eating is somewhat "sport". I'm not saying that we do the same thing that Kobe or Lebron or Favre is doing but it something that is conditioned by the mind and the body. It's completely about competition and for the community of people that comes with it (although there are a few lunatics :)

So ladies. If we go out on a date. I'm not going to try and eat my dinner as fast as I can to impress you. I'm not a slob that's going to drop food all over myself. I'm not unconcerned with my health and go to the gym several times a week. What I am, is a guy that's just trying to live my life. Are you in for the ride?

I need help with some creative stunts.

So recently I responded to a casting call, not knowing what it was, that asked what you could do in 90 seconds. I sent the a video of me doing the Ottomanelli's burger challenge, which was a 2 pound burger. I timed it out for how long it took me to do the burger by itself and it came out to about 90 seconds. Turns out they were interested. I wasn't sure of anything related to the filming or the schedule, so I was unsure on how to answer, the only thing I knew was that this was a big show with a lot of potential. They told me that auditions had been completed but that they wanted to use my tape as an audition because they liked it so much. The tape was passed on and the executives liked it enough to use it as the official audition.

So my problem. If I wind up being selected, this is a show that will involve being in different stages. The first stage, will involve me replicating my initial stunt in the video, devouring the burger in under 90 seconds. That will be the easy part. If I'm selected, I would have to come up with something else. Watching a guy eating things really fast is just going to get boring.

My first idea involves pizza. I know from the Rocco's challenge, I can do a 16 inch pie in about 2 mins or so. I was thinking that I could do a challenge where I would eat a pie quicker than one can be made. So I asked Joe, the head honcho at Rocco's how long it takes to spin a pizza and to sauce and cheese it, ready for the oven. He says he can do it in under a minute. So that means I would have to attempt to eat 1 pie quicker than he can make 2. I don't know if that's as impressive looking.

So now I search for ideas. What competitive eating type stunt could I do, that isn't the same old boring thing? Something that would get a crowd interested and rooting for me to beat the clock?

My top 10 favorite movies of the decade - 2000-2009

The following list is my favorite movies of the last 10 years. They might not be the best movies to you, but they're the films I've enjoyed the most this decade.

1. Love Me If You Dare (Jeux d'enfants)

2. Antwone Fisher

3. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

4. Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

5. Snatch

6. Star Trek

7. 8 Mile

8. Dawn Of The Dead

9. Saw

10. V For Vendetta

RADIO SHACK RIPS PEOPLE OFF

To whom it may concern,

Here is how you lose a customer for life. Fool him twice.

When we last spoke, one of your sales reps at the Manhattan location of W. 23rd St. & 7th Ave, sold me a flash card that was listed on the rack at $35 and told me it was on sale for $25 when in fact the receipt revealed that it $15 with a $10 warranty. It was so smooth, that I told you I wasn't even mad, but that I found it kind of amusing. When you contacted me back, you offered me my $10 back. I even declined, telling you that I've been a faithful customer and would not let one little snafu drive me away. I told you that I don't care about the $10, I just wanted you to know that this was happening. You promised me this wasn't the way you practiced sales and I took you for your word.

Shame on me.

During my latest unforgiving adventure in Christmas shopping, I decided to buy my mom an 8GB iPod Touch for the holidays. I went to your 42nd St. & Madison Ave location. So close to work, so convenient. Best Buy was down the block, but I said "screw it, lets use my Radio Shack card and rack up some more debt! They'll take my money!". I entered the store and said "One iPod Touch please!". To which the sales rep was more than happy to get for me. He informed me of something grand as he went to get it. "Sir, since you're purchasing an iPod Touch, you can get this cheap plastic case valued at $25 for only $5." I thought "Wow! That's a steal! I'll take it!". And take it I did, home to wrap for mom for Christmas. Having not learned my lesson, I never looked at the receipt. Then, today, as I went through the various receipts in my wallet, I looked over my Radio Shack receipt to see the return policy for "just in case". Well wouldn't you know it, I wasn't supposed to get a $25 case for $5 after all. I was supposed to receive a $20 Radio Shack gift card. The most interesting thing about it is that the receipt CLEARLY states "Must Have $20 RadioShack Gift Card on same sales ticket as iPod Touch.".There is no gift card to be found the said receipt.

When I spoke to the DM from the previous complaint, she seemed genuine in her stance that this was not common practice. She went out of her way to email me back and even call. I'd like to even say I believe that she was being genuine and these were greedy store managers trying to make more sales for their store. But seriously? 2 locations doing almost the same exact stunt. I must be wearing a sign on my head that I can't see that says "World Class Moron".

I have filed a complaint with the Department Of Consumer Affairs this time. I'm not as amused as I was after the first incident. I'm honestly furious. This letter will also be going to The Consumerist, who is quite aware of what these sales reps do and will not hesitate to make this story front page news, as well as my blog.

The biggest thing you could possibly do to offend me is offer me the $20 gift card. Unless you plan on paying for the iPod itself, I'm not interested.

Thank you for your time,

William Millender

My top 10 movies of 2009 (amended)

Wow, 2009 was not the best year for movies ever. My top 5 is strong, but after reviewing all the movies I've seen in 2009, it was a struggle to pick movies after that. This is list is pretty much Top 5 movies of the year and 5 others that were "just a bit better than ok". Half of the top 10 are genres that I don't usually favor to begin with.
Let's take it from the top...

1. Star Trek

This was the clear cut winner of the year. I'm not a trekie. I'm not much of a sci-fi fan. Interesting that my top 2 are sci-fi movies. Star Trek 2009 version had me and my girlfriend crying from the first sequence. The story was great and easy to get into for someone with a limited Trek knowledge. The effects were great. The Abrams direction was cool too but that weird sparkle light effect that he loves can be annoying. Otherwise, this felt like a perfect film and I'm looking forward to the next one, should it be made.

2. Pontypool

Pontypool was not originally on this list. While reviewing the movies that were released in 2009, Pontypool was not on the list. That was because this film was only released in Canada. And what a shame. One of the biggest disappointments for me is the watering down of the zombie movie. I used to love them but now there is a new one everyday and they're all the same. Pontypool isn't necessarily a zombie movie the same was 28 Days Later wasn't. The victims are not the undead, they're infected with a virus. The amazing thing about it is that the infected are barely in the movie. The entire movie is about a radio host that is getting reports of the infection. We hear what's going on and deal with the fear of not really knowing what's going on. I'll save what the cause of the infection is because it's both confusing and interesting at the same time. I purposefully avoid information on most movies I really want to see because I don't want to know what to expect and I suggest you rent this in the same frame of mind.

3. District 9

I wasn't sure what to expect from District 9. I knew it was an allegory for apartheid using Aliens. But that was about it. The posters and trailers didn't give to much away, which I'm thankful for. The story was mostly well done (a few cliches but nothing distracting). There were some great action/chase/shootout scenes. I thought I would hate the apartheid comparison, but if you didn't think about it too much, it wasn't a big deal. Honestly, District 9 would have tied Trek for first, but I had 2 main gripes with the film. The first was the directing. From the preview, I knew it was going to be docu-style fiction. I looked forward to a film of this nature using this type of gimmick because it seemed well done and interesting and for the first half it is. We see this world through the eyes of a documentary that's being made and then later on through security feeds. Then it turns into a standard style movie. I though this was a terrible change. I'm not exactly sure how the rest of the movie would have worked had they not changed it, but it could have been done. My second point of contention was the effects. I'd say overall, they were great, but I think the movie should have been released after a little more time was spent on the animation of the aliens. At times, especially during scenes with a large group of characters, they had a copy and paste feeling to them. Like when the honey comb bee is added to a commercial. Otherwise, an excellent film overall.

4. Duplicity

Duplicity is a film I probably wouldn't have rented because the previews come off very romantic-comedy-ish. That I've become a huge Clive Owen fan (since his amazing performance in Sin City) is what forced me to watch. I'm glad I did. Great acting job by some high class actors like Paul Giamatti, Tom Wilkinson, et al. Turns out there are some romantic-comedy elements to the story, but it's not the focus. The focus is a con game, much in the vein of an Ocean's Eleven with a twist ending that you don't quiet expect even though you kinda of know what to expect with this kind of movie.

5. Watchmen

Watchmen should have been a trilogy. It's a huge graphic novel, with a lot of story to tell. The movie, went on way too long. My emotions for watchmen came in 3 cycles. The first time I saw it, it was a cut above ok. I liked it a lot, but was expecting something different. Upon second viewing, I liked it a lot more, almost loved it. I paid more attention to the smaller details. By the third viewing, I was bored. In a perfect world, Watchmen would have filmed the entire graphic novel and then cut it up into 3 two hour movies a la The Matrix, Lord Of The Rings, etc.

6. Monsters Vs. Aliens

This was the second genre that I'm not such a fan of. The animated movie. Being a child of the 80's, I like my cartoons flat and with repeating backgrounds. 3-D animation is not my cup of tea, but I gave M Vs. A a shot and I'm glad I did. It's funny flick with some great voice work from Seth Rogan and company.

7. Up

Up was a strange choice for a kids movie. It's really depressing. Within the first 15 mins or so, the main characters wife dies and the husband becomes a crotchety old man. Not usually a recipe for a great kids movie. The death scene is touching and heartwrenching but the rest of the film is pretty funny. It's a sad, heartwarming story but a must miss of you don't want to cry.

8. Rudo Y Cursi

This is likely the film where you're going, "huh"? I'd read some favorable statements about the film when it was making the indy rounds and remembered the name and gave it a shot. Most familiar about this film is Gael García Bernal who is becoming a star for his earlier foreign films and is now making the transition to Hollywood (which is mixed at best with his last American film being the horrid Blindness). The knock I have on this movie is that you totally see it coming. It's well acted and funny and there is a charm to it, but it's been done before. It's the story of two brothers who get chosen for pro soccer teams and form a rivalry. You can tell the second I say that, that this film will be about how each one will go on different paths and eventually lead into a brother vs. brother finale with one making a sacrifice for the other after learning a lesson. Cliche but it's still fun to watch the performances of Bernal and Diego Luna as his brother.

9. Disney's Earth

Disney's Earth is beautiful. It's the type of stuff that makes you go "how did they get that on camera". This was the most expensive documentary ever made, and it shows. If you're like me, you've heard that the Planet Earth series from the BBC was amazing but you just didn't have the patience to go through five discs of it. From what I'm told, this is the same stuff but re-produced in the style that Disney wanted. It's a fantastic piece of moving art. It is, however, like most other nature documentaries, pretty brutal. It's an unflinching look at how these animals live. All animals are part of a food chain and you see this process right before your eyes. Even understanding this, if you're an animal lover, it may become hard to watch.

10. Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity polarized movie audiences. It gained a huge audience and most people fell into the love category, or the hate category. I was one of the few that fell in between. I liked several things about the movie that made it an above average film for me. First of all the horror genre has become diluted to the point of absurdity. I used to love horror movies. Back in the day, even the bad one's were good. Now horror movies are so watered down and cliche that most just wind up sucking. Finally, something new happens with the genre. They pretty much took the mold of the Blair Witch Project (incidentally a film that polarized audiences the same way) and built up a better story. It's something that we haven't seen before. A low budget horror movie, offering something new that doesn't look like your 12 year old could have made it. The two leads were smart and competent despite the lack of acting credit on their resume and the story was actually creepy. I wasn't scared watching Paranormal Activity, but I got the willies. I rather be creeped out than scared. The feeling lasts a lot longer. This is probably a personal preference but I really liked the choice in lead actress a lot. When it comes to women, I tend to be attracted to more unconventionally beautiful women. I think Katie Featherston is very pretty and this enhanced the movie for me because I cared about what happened to her character. Ultimately, it fell flat because there was no real pay-off. The commercials made it seem creepier than it really was and the ending made you jump but also left you unsatisfied. You walked out saying "that's it?". My girlfriend made a perfect comparison. She said, "You know those videos you send to your friends that make you stare at the screen and jump at the end? This was like a movie version of that.".

11. Not Easily Broken*

Another head scratcher. Not Easily Broken is another genre that is not usually on my radar. The spiritual movie. The screenplay is based on a book written by T.D. Jakes. If you know Jakes, you know that he's one of the most well known Pastors out there. Not Easily Broken is the story of a couple that is struggling to stay a float after they get into a car accident that leaves the wife injured. The leads are played by Taraji P. Henson and Morris Chestnut, who are great. Kevin Hart, who plays one of Chestnut's friends, is hysterical. There's not much depth to the story, and is a bit cliche, but still resonates. I think there is something for everyone in a relationship to identify with. While watching I realized that, while T.D. Jakes is a Pastor, his stories aren't overwrought with the spiritual angle. The other novel he's written that was turned into a movie is called Woman Thou Art Loosed, which I also enjoyed. The church and the lord are there, but the film isn't bogged down by it. His stories are more about the flaws that people have and the struggle that we have to overcome them. If people want to think that God helps, who am I to judge?


*Was originally number 10 before I added Pontypool